Loneliness in a World Full of People
With over 8 billion people in this world how is it even possible to feel alone? More than just feeling alone, it's about the sadness and despair we feel when we feel that no one is for us or cares about us. Loneliness when we are surrounded by others is a very real phenomenon and I’m not here to tell you it gets easier with time or that you shouldn't worry because it’ll be alright. I’m here to tell you that it's normal and to give you a few ways that have worked for me over the last 20 years to hopefully minimize the pain you may feel.
Time will heal all wounds is a phrase that sticks out to me more than any other in my 20s. I used to believe that time could heal those aching, heart wrenching feelings of loneliness and despair. However, I also vividly remember laying in between two armchairs that I had pushed together and made into a makeshift bed in my apartment front room so that my dog, Scout, and I could watch TV (cable hook ups didn’t exist back then in the bedrooms of apartments, ha!) and try to fall asleep.
My long term boyfriend and I had broken up after years of dating in high school and into college. I was devastated. It was a terrible break up. Everything imploded on me. Friends started telling me terrible things that my boyfriend had said and lied about behind my back. I found out about him ‘hanging out’ with girls and going out on what seemed like dates while we were in a committed relationship. My heart was heavy, my life seemed over, but above all I was alone. I felt this darkness of emptiness that I couldn’t shake. I tried all of my normal go-tos to feel better…hanging out with friends, working out, going out after my Friday night soccer games with my team, but nothing seemed to fill this gaping hole in my heart and my mind.
Have you ever felt the suffocating feeling of being by yourself and the loss of trust that consumes your being to the point where you can’t even fathom being in a loving, committed, and fruitful relationship? Yeah…me too!
What I was missing in the human relationship and the devastating blow of broken trust could not be fixed or even slightly repaired by any means of the physical. This type of loneliness and affliction is not new. For thousands of years people have felt this deep ache of being stranded and alone. We’ve also been told that, “God is right there with you in your sorrow,” and yes that is true, but it does not necessarily make the feelings just disappear. We were made to be in communion with one another. We were made to love and be loved (Genesis 2). We were made to lean into our faith when these pains creep up and into our lives.
I’m sure if you’ve experienced a loss of a relationship, a job, or a friendship you have felt the feelings of loneliness. I’m here to tell you that’s normal. I’m here to tell you that creating distractions through busyness will not cure the pain. I’m here to tell you that when you feel alone you can work through the emotional part through various Biblical means and start building your foundation in Christ to sustain you when this happens again, as it will happen again my friend. Next time however, you will be prepared to handle and come out on the other side of despair with a feeling of peace.
Here are three ways I’ve learned to combat loneliness the Christian way:
Prayer and Petition
I’m not the most eloquent when I pray. I just simply open my heart and pour out to my Heavenly Father what is going on. Growing up I didn’t have a dad around and so I grew up speaking to my Heavenly Father as if He were my earthly father. I don’t sugar coat anything, I don’t try to tiptoe around how I’m feeling. If I’m being completely honest with you sister, I’ve yelled, I’ve accused and I’ve even said things that only my Heavenly Father would understand. My prayers may seem basic to most but they are pure and engaging with my Creator.
Philippians 4:6-7 NIV “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Here is a simple prayer that I’ve said many times to start the healing of loneliness:
Father God, I humbly come before you, broken. I feel alone and can’t see the end of this. I need you today, right now to help show me the way. I am too distracted and need your guidance Father. Please be with me as I go through this day.
In your precious name, Amen.
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Word and Worship
When I’ve started to become consumed with the desperation of getting out of my cycle of sadness I sometimes neglect the simple fact that opening the Word of the Lord and worshiping through song or journaling can be therapeutic.
Psalm 34:18 NIV “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
I know it can be a daunting task to open up your Bible and find a passage or a specific verse to alleviate the emptiness but it truly is a game changer. I typically go to the Psalms because, let’s face it, David went through some rough times and really opened his heart up and showed us that it’s ok to be vulnerable and cry out for help. One of my most shocking experiences was when I was at my lowest with postpartum depression and feeling like no one could truly understand what my mind and body was going through. I turned on my fav Spotify playlist and opened up a notebook and just started writing. I wrote to my Heavenly Father everything and then some.
Rest and Regroup
Our Heavenly Father knows we need rest.
Matthew 11:28-29 NIV “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
I used to think that resting was being lazy or for the weak. What I’ve found is that I need rest and time to regroup my thoughts, my emotions, and my faith. Christ has always given us space to rest and reset because He too needed time away to do the same. I encourage you to pause and really soak up time through prayerful and holy time with the Lord. When you are ready to take on your day again the Lord will be beside you to remind you that He is right beside you and all you need to do is call upon Him when you need Him.
Sister, no matter what you’ve experienced or you’re experiencing the Holy Spirit will be with you. When you feel in a place of loneliness I encourage you to try the three ways that have worked for me and see what works for you. Change things as you need, but at the root core remember to look to God as the catalyst for necessary change in your life.