Have you ever felt like giving up and just throwing in the towel?

If I’m being completely honest with you, I have more than once. I have felt the world pull me in various directions, I’ve allowed myself to be swayed by the evils of this world, and I have even given in to temptations.

I don’t know about you but man alive, life can throw some curveballs at us and earthly wisdom tells us we need to compare ourselves to other women whose life appears to be easier than ours. But I’ve found that in order to shift my mindset and perspective I need to lean into the word and put my faith in my Father above.

Is it easy to do? Not always!

Can I find happiness in the trials of my life? Absolutely, because trials help clarify our faith during the fires of our life.

Ok I get it that sounds nice and like a Pinterest quote but let me get real honest with you about those trials we are supposed to be joyful about…

There are days I don’t want to get up at 5am when my youngest decides he’d like to start his day.

There are days I don’t want to drive my older two children to their various sports practices, games, or rehearsals.

There are times that if someone says ‘mommy’ one more time I may freak out!

I even have seasons where I just plain do not want to have another conversation with my husband about finances, home life, our relationship or anything else pertaining to the life we are building.

I am pretty sure this is making me sound selfish as I type this out but I want to be completely transparent with you. Trials come in all shapes and sizes. They come in a flood and sometimes they trickle in.

On the days where my anxiety and depression are at an all time high I do not want to ‘find joy’ in my circumstance. However, something inside of me is pushing me to keep going. The urge to cry it out, wipe my tears away and keep going may be faint but it is there. The urge is not coming from me but the Holy Spirit. It’s the Holy Spirit commanding me to not give up. It’s my Heavenly Father seeing how much my pride and ego is getting in my way and giving me a season to grow.

The Holy Spirit is an encourager and walks beside us every step of the way, even when we don’t realize it.

The greatest truth and comfort I get is that the Holy Spirit is always with me. (John 14:15-17 NIV) I am never alone! In my deepest despair, in my lowest of lows, in my ‘I want to throw in the towel’ mentality…the Holy Spirit is still with me working on me, encouraging me and strengthening me. Let’s be real I truly need the Holy Spirit because there are times I just can’t do or be another thing for someone without help!

Now let me bring you back about 27 years…stop trying to do the math at how old I am! I see you counting.

I had a school speech contest and for some reason I chose a Bible passage out of the book of James to not only memorize but to study and give insight on. Yes, 11 year old me wanted to be a theologian so badly that I decided to kick start my purpose with this heavy and I mean heavy passage.

James 1:2-12 NIV 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. 9 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. 10 But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business. 12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

How could James say we should find it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds? As my pastor says let’s break this down.

The word ‘consider’ In Aramaic means “to lead the way” or another translation is “to lead before the mind.” All that tells us is that our mind is a huge participant in our faith! Did you know that? Our mind can be an active and fully involved part of our faith!

Now I am not going to sugarcoat this and say that you should be smiling and happy when the worst of the worst is happening to you. What I do know is that in the hardest of times God is asking us to let go of our pride that says, ‘I’ve got this on my own,’ and turn it over to Him. Our Heavenly Father wants us to be less reliant on ourselves and more reliant on Him. He knows what we are going through, He knows what we are capable of handling and then pushes us further to truly lean into Him for support.

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I remember feeling invincible growing up! Then the trials came, small at first testing my boundaries and how I would respond and handle them. I felt like I was sailing through each one. One by one my faith was growing and so was my pride.

As I faced each new trial my Heavenly Father began to push me outside of my comfort zone and when I felt like I was drowning in a sea of overwhelm that is when He showed Himself and rescued me. My ego and my pride was now bruised. I was frustrated. I was feeling misunderstood. I was wallowing in self pity. I felt alone. However, He had been there the whole time allowing me to make my choices even when I knew what He was asking me to do and I chose the opposite. Never once has He left my side. It was I who had fled from Him.

I have had to get to the end of the proverbial rope in order for God to have me completely rely upon Him.

Finding pure joy in the midst of pain and sorrow is not going to be easy. It won’t magically make your circumstances change. It won’t easily spur on an attitude of gratitude.

What I have learned though is that when I lay down my pride, my ego, and my self-reliance attitude that is when my Heavenly Father can use me in those trials to love like Him and be less dependent on myself. He does His best work when we are at our worst. Why? Because that is typically when we finally submit to Him!

Pure joy doesn’t mean that you need to be giddy over or during hardships…to me pure joy means lying down myself and realizing that my Heavenly Father is more than enough for me!