The Power of a Wife’s Words
Scripture is quite clear on the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18:21 sums it up rather well: "The tongue has the power of life and death.” Our words hold tremendous weight, particularly regarding the health and success of our relationships.
How often do you speak to your husband? I assume the answer, for most of us, is fairly often! Most couples often connect through words, whether in person, on the phone, or texting. That communication is part of what builds the foundations and structures of your relationship.
Now, ask yourself the question: how do I speak to my husband? As in, what words do I use? What is the tone of my voice? Are our conversations thoughtful or distracted? Are my words soft or harsh? Or maybe I'm just indifferent? If communication plays such a significant role in building the structure of my relationship, are my words making it stronger or tearing it down?
Proverbs 14:1 says, “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” Are we being wise with the words we speak to our husbands? Are we choosing speech that builds up our homes in the way of the Lord?
Maybe you feel conviction, and your answer is a clear no… (No shame here, my friend. I’ve certainly spoken my fair share of unwise words to my husband.) Or maybe you’re teetering on the edge and not entirely sure. Let’s clarify what it means, exactly, to speak to our husbands in a way that strengthens our marriages and honors him and God!
1. Our Words Should Be Loving
The Bible clearly communicates the importance of heeding God’s commandment to love one another. In 1 John 4:7-8, we’re told that God is love, and if we’re called to imitate our heavenly Father, then love must be at the forefront of our thoughts and actions. How much more should this be true regarding the man we have vowed to spend the rest of our earthly life with?
Speaking with love is not only a way to obey and honor God, but it also has practical effects. Just look at the verses below, and you’ll be convinced of the importance of responding to your husband with a loving tongue the next time you may be tempted to react differently.
“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” Colossians 3:14
But how do we speak lovingly? What does that actually mean? The apostle Paul blessed us with the answer in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 which says,
”Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
I don’t know about you, but my speech is not always patient, and I can be irritable sometimes. If you feel convicted right now, lift that up to the Lord in repentance and receive in faith His ever-present strength and help through the Holy Spirit to transform your words into love.
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2. Our Words Should Show Respect
“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33
While husbands and wives should each express love and respect to one another (i.e., point #1 mentioned above), typically, women need more love while men need more respect. It’s just how God made men and women unique in their roles.
Now, you know your husband better than anyone else and should be able to pick up on the type of words he responds to the best. Thus, the next time you try to demonstrate love to your husband by speaking to him in the way you personally like to be spoken to, and he’s not quite reacting the way you wish he would, consider that he may have different needs than you.
If you’re regularly showering him with “loving” words, yet you shoot down all his ideas and/or try to control everything (just a couple of ways that women unknowingly disrespect their husbands), you may be missing out on the other half of the equation: respect.
Respecting your husband as a man, as your husband, as the leader of your home and family, and as a brother in Christ will go a long way in building up your spouse and your marriage. When your man feels supported and respected, you should see a new spark within him that motivates and pushes him to wake up each day and do what he needs to do to take care of and love his family.
When thinking about the wife’s role when it comes to supporting and respecting her husband, I’m always reminded of Proverbs 31:10-12 which says,
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”
Do your words do your husband good? Or do they harm him? Are you speaking in a way that invites him to trust you, creating a safe space to open up and where he can be the man God created him to be? Love your husband, yes, but don't forget to respect him as well, and I promise you will unlock a powerful tool in building up your marriage.
3. Our Words Should Promote Peace
We all know what it feels like to have discord within our home. It’s that feeling when you and your husband are unhappy with one another, and the tension has not yet settled. It’s an awful feeling and one that is the opposite of peace. When these types of situations arise, we must ask ourselves if it has anything to do with something we said. Scripture tells us to live peacefully with others, Romans 12:18 being an example of this, which says,
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
“As far as it depends on you…” We can’t control what our husbands say or how they react to us, but we can control our own words and reactions. At times, our home's strife can result from our own doing. How many arguments or tensions could have been avoided by changing our wording or tone or perhaps saying nothing at all?
Meditate on the following verses as you contemplate how you can create more peace in your home with your words:
“It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 21:9
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Colossians 4:6
“Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psalm 141:3
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James 1:19-20
Bonus Tip: How?
Okay, so you may be thinking to yourself, these biblical insights and suggestions are really wonderful, but how on earth am I supposed to accomplish all of this? On the days we are feeling stressed, the days our husbands are acting less than Christ-like, the days we are not feeling our best and pouring from a seemingly empty cup feels impossible, how will we go about honoring the Lord in our marriage with the right words?
First, friend, let me reassure you that there is grace for every misstep and sinful slip-up we will inevitably encounter (1 John 1:8-9). But the harsh truth is that this is no excuse. Scripture repeatedly calls us to a life of righteousness and holy living, dedicating our lives to obeying the commandments of God. While we will not always get it right, we must repent, ask God to strengthen us in our weaknesses, and rely on the Holy Spirit to continually sanctify us.
So the bottom line is this: we don't have to do this alone! Take a look at this Scripture:
“No human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth comes praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” James 3:8-10
This passage contains some fairly harsh language regarding the seemingly unbridled nature of the tongue. When I first read these verses, I felt a little hopeless, initially thinking that if there was no hope for the tongue, why did God even give it to us? But take a look at the very first sentence…
“No human being can tame the tongue…”
No human being! We can't tame our tongue on our own, but God can! We see the harm our words can do and the importance of taking everything we say captive, but we were never expected to do that simply by our strength alone. Thank the Lord for the gift of the Holy Spirit to help guide and transform us to be more like Christ each and every day.
So dive into the Word of God, sister. Pray without ceasing. Devote yourself to getting closer to God. In so doing, the Holy Spirit will transform you from the inside out, and the fruit of the Spirit will begin to pour from your mouth with little effort. It will simply be who you are: an imitation of Christ as you love, honor, and respect your husband and build up your marriage in a way that honors and pleases the Lord.
I will leave you with this prayer:
Almighty God, thank you for my husband and my marriage. Thank you for saving me from my sins and making me righteous in your sight. I repent of any sinful words I’ve spoken to my husband and thank you for the Holy Spirit, who continually sanctifies me to speak in a manner that pleases you. Help me love and respect my husband, to do him good and not harm all the days of my life. Thank you for redeeming the tongue, which cannot be tamed by human efforts alone but has been transformed by your grace and made a powerful force for goodness. Help me to build up my marriage with words that honor you. Amen.
