The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines religion as “a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices.” Unfortunately, the unbelieving world thinks along these lines. It likes to equate dedication to God as merely a book of stories one chooses to believe and a set of rules one decides to follow.

As Christians, however, we know that the Christian life involves much more than rules and regulations. We serve a living God with whom we have a genuine relationship. But, at times, even we can forget that vital truth.

So how can we prioritize relationship over religion in our faith and continue strengthening our connection with our Savior? I believe part of the solution lies in how we view our prayer life. So let me offer two tips about prayer that I’ve found to be life-changing when keeping the relationship front and center in my walk with Christ.

1. Prayer Is a Conversation, Not a Chant

Prayer is a perfect example of an aspect of our relationship with God that can turn religious very quickly. It’s so easy for prayer to feel like a duty, not to mention how robotic and repetitive it can become if we let it. For example, some may approach prayer without knowing what to say, while others may feel like they chant the same things repeatedly, unaware of the meaning behind what they’re saying.

But this religious, substanceless outlook on prayer is no way to communicate with our Lord. Why? Because it’s not the right way to do it and may disappoint God? No! That’s religion. Is it because it cheats us out of genuinely connecting with and experiencing God’s voice, presence, and heart? Yes! That’s a relationship! A relational prayer life is something God deeply desires for us to have with Him and lies at the heart of His love for us.

When we start viewing prayer as a two-way conversation with God instead of a required ritual that only goes one way, we can begin experiencing the blessings of an authentic and loving relationship with our Lord and step back from using a religious framework that is empty and spiritually unfulfilling. There’s no right or wrong way to pray (unless you’re doing it for show, as Jesus mentions in Matthew 6:5). You can pray out loud in your room with your head bowed and eyes closed for concentration or quietly in your mind while you’re walking through the grocery store. You can pray your own words or use the words of Scripture. You can even write your prayers in a journal. The important thing to remember is that you’re talking to God and allowing Him room to talk back. Therefore, communication in prayer is a two-way conversation; it’s one of the most important aspects of having a strong, genuine, and loving relationship with Christ.

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2. Prayer Is Not Just a Wishlist

Another way to change your mindset about prayer is to pay attention to what you’re praying about. Jesus gives us some insight into the different elements involved in structuring our prayer time in Matthew 6:9-13.

“This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’”

I don’t believe Jesus prescribes this prayer as a religious framework to limit us but more to encourage and instruct us with the essentials of a spiritually healthy prayer life. Personally, I used to use prayer like a wishlist. I would tell God what I wanted and then ask Him to bless it. My prayers were very selfish and simply a means to an end for me.

But instead of basing prayer on our selfish desires, Jesus instructs us to focus our prayers on these main things: worshiping God, seeking God’s will, our needs, forgiveness, and living righteously. As you can see, “our needs” only comprise one part of the Lord’s prayer. The remainder focuses on God and our sanctification.

Does this mean we can never ask God for what we want? Of course not. But you wouldn’t go up to a friend and start a conversation by asking them for a list of things you want from them. That would be rude and self-centered. A healthy relationship considers the wants of the other person as well. So when we ask God for something we want, we should ask for it only if it’s according to his will. After all, He knows best!

Shifting our mindset about prayer away from solely what we want and focusing on the essentials like worship, sanctification, and God’s will allows us to include the Lord in the conversation, consider His voice on the matter, and create a prayer life based on a genuine relationship rather than empty religion. I promise this new mindset toward prayer will fill you with much more peace and joy than any religious-based practice can!